wildflowermama

I don’t know much about Chinese culture or Chinese business for that matter. I have no right writing this, but that doesn’t stop me because the daily disgust is making me batty.

My daughter inherited a lot of Thomas Trains from her big bro, though, technically, they are still his. She loves whatever he loves, so it’s no surprise she loves trains. She especially was taken by the musical caboose. She carried it around with her a lot. She chewed on it when she was teething. It, along with a slew of others were just recalled for having an excess amount of surface lead paint. Even the wording gives me the chills. Excess amount. Is there an amount that is not excess? Luckily, most of my 10 year old sons train were made in England, before the switch to lower production costs in China (funny thing, those lower costs were not passed on to the consumer). My young nephews collections had to be raided. Being just three-years-old, all of his Thomas trains were made in China.

I am not especially proud to be an American right now. In fact, I try hard, when around people visiting from other countries, not to come right out and apologize for the behavior of this country. I am not into westernizing everywhere. I fight just to keep chain stores out of my little town. So I don’t expect the Chinese to have the same tastes or culture as I. I do however, expect some sort of conscience. Thanks to America, and all those trinkets, clothing and toys we suddenly can’t live without, China’s blossoming into a strong economic force. Good for them, but at what cost? Lately in the news, stories from China have been turning my stomach.

Today I read about the Chinese government reopening trade of tiger parts, which, experts say, will increase poacher trade and work to further diminish the numbers of this already endangered animal.

And, in my love/hate relationship with the internet and instant access to all things depressing, there was a photograph of a tiger attacking a pigeon. Seems live animals like pigeons and even goats are routinely fed to carnivores like tigers as part of Chinese zoo entertainment.

Then, of course, are the thousand of elephants being killed for the ivory tusks. An article this week stated the concern over the increase in illegal ivory trade. Experts state that is due to the “potent and new economic forces in China that traditionally value ivory.”

Ugg. What about the poor, near extinct rhino that may never recover because of the Chinese need to grind up their horns a cure for everything from impotency to devil possession.

The corrupt, ‘new-money’ folks in China just can’t seem to get enough. Kinda like Eurotrash. New tacky rich spending endlessly with no moral compass.

The Yin/Yang symbol created in China, I don’t believe, was to represent the new rich and the slave poor. My soul also aches for not only the women and children working in slave conditions for 18-20 hour days for mere pennies, but for all the daughters who have died because of gender selection. Since government regulations limiting offspring to one child per family, the World Health Organization issued a report claiming that “more than 50 million females were estimated to be ‘missing’ in China because of the institutionalized killing and neglect of girls due to Beijing’s population control.”

Everywhere I turn is yet another negative news article out of China. If the Chinese were responsible for Feng Shui and the Yin/Yang symbol of balance and harmony, what then is going so terribly wrong? And how much of it are we to blame?

Is it too much to ask, that if the Chinese are now working their way up the economic and social ladder that they can, as well, work equally to grow mindful of their decisions? Hey, I mean, I used to eat meat, but due to industry changes and environmental concerns, I have quit and have been working towards a completely vegan existence.

I’m off to Disneyland tomorrow with the kids. How am I going to get in and out without some slave toy my daughter must have. Can she help it that she loves Minnie Mouse and friends? Shouldn’t she be able to pick up a toy free of cancer causing contaminants like lead and PVC’s? Shouldn’t we have the option to buy ‘fair trade’ Disney toys? I’d be first in line. I would love to buy my kids one special Disney themed toy that had a clean trail instead of a bunch of poison made by enslaved children as young as my son.

Gee, I hope that there is another side to all of this. Until that enlightening, I am going to really try and avoid all things ‘made in China.’

I like to achieve balance in my everyday decisions and choices. Sometimes, though, balance in my life comes from pure happiness and pure sadness. Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my mother’s death. I forgot this day, until I was trying to fall asleep and it hit me. I can’t believe how quickly four years have passed. I can still feel her touch and smell her perfume like it was yesterday. I want her here so bad it hurts and forgetting this day is part of my own denial. My boy said to me today I’ve spent almost half of my life now without Grandma. Then we both cried. He said a prayer thanking her for her part in all the wonderful things that happened to our family since she left us. That is where the pure joy comes in. Our beautiful home in a community that I, for the first time in my life, feel a part of. A beautiful miracle of a daughter, pure joy for my sister who found her soulmate and three more beautiful babies who would have made my mom a great grandmother.

A whirlwind four years of magic and love and richness of soul. I’ve never in my life had so many incredible things to be thankful for in such a short amount of time…but then again….she isn’t physically here to share them. She’ll never know my boy as he grows into a young man, never hold my daughter, never see my sister’s new life, never meet her three gorgeous great-grandsons.

Life is filled with happiness and sorrow so tightly intertwined. Sometimes my life is so in balance, I can hardly breathe.

From one wildflower came a family of warm love and beautiful sunshine. My life is full of happiness and wonder. My husband and children keep me smiling and my heart content. I’m a hippie mama at heart with a knack for being a pretty smart consumer. I try to live mindfully of my choices and decisions on everything. We’re a homeschooling, charter-school attending, toddler-nursing, organic gardening, veg family who tries to live honestly and happily in the beautiful Ojai valley.

I’ve been a photographer for as long as I could remember, and have always tried to document my families lives in pictures. But lately, my outspoken self needs a new place to share, express and vent. Even though a picture can be a 1000 words, I often have 1000 more.

I’d like to think if I want, need it, do it, have it, think it … it’s of some importance and value. Chances are, I’ve thought about it, researched it and had endless inner-dialogs about it before it reaches here. I’m not even sure if I’m going to post publicly or privately. What I do know, is if, maybe, I get it out of my head, I might actually sleep. More than anything, what I wish to write will be messy, hopeful, insightful, every-day musings filled with lots of things about my little family that I don’t want to ever forget.