I like to achieve balance in my everyday decisions and choices. Sometimes, though, balance in my life comes from pure happiness and pure sadness. Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my mother’s death. I forgot this day, until I was trying to fall asleep and it hit me. I can’t believe how quickly four years have passed. I can still feel her touch and smell her perfume like it was yesterday. I want her here so bad it hurts and forgetting this day is part of my own denial. My boy said to me today I’ve spent almost half of my life now without Grandma. Then we both cried. He said a prayer thanking her for her part in all the wonderful things that happened to our family since she left us. That is where the pure joy comes in. Our beautiful home in a community that I, for the first time in my life, feel a part of. A beautiful miracle of a daughter, pure joy for my sister who found her soulmate and three more beautiful babies who would have made my mom a great grandmother.
A whirlwind four years of magic and love and richness of soul. I’ve never in my life had so many incredible things to be thankful for in such a short amount of time…but then again….she isn’t physically here to share them. She’ll never know my boy as he grows into a young man, never hold my daughter, never see my sister’s new life, never meet her three gorgeous great-grandsons.
Life is filled with happiness and sorrow so tightly intertwined. Sometimes my life is so in balance, I can hardly breathe.
